Ode To The Journey Forward
I would love to title this long overdue entry Back By Popular Demand! but I’m on a truth-bender these days. It should probably read more like Back By Random Suggestion Of One Friend In The Post Script Of An Email. Writing has been sitting heavily on my mind these past 9 months, so a small nudge was all I really needed. Thank you Lisa.
Yes, it’s been 9 whole months since we left our lives, jobs, friends, chunks of our souls and everything else, back in Japan. Long enough to have had a secret baby in that sleepy Ontario town I hid out in, but to be clear, I didn’t have one. No, not literally anyway. My time was spent conceiving and strengthening other things; ideas; relationships; heavier weights not easy to bear, but nonetheless better carried and born than the stark alternative.
My other half and I did not leave Japan on the same page, let alone on the same plane. To be nakedly honest (and I am to a fault lately) we were in disagreement about a few too many things that needed reconciling. Our 7-year-itch desperately needed scratching and I couldn’t see how it was going to be dealt with right in Japan. It was a difficult departure for the both of us, for different reasons probably. All the same, if there was one thing we both mutually felt it was the heartbreak of leaving the country we loved so deeply. It was the feeling of leaving ‘home’, and in that sentiment we were united.
Time has flown forward and the months have helped re-balance a great many things, if they were ever really level in the first place. It is a sobering experience to be 30 something and moving back into your parent’s house, sitting intentionally unemployed, realizing you don’t have much of a clue about any of this mother/wife stuff and are just about on the verge of an almost-mid-life crisis. What a blessing to have the kind of parents that actually want their kids to move back in with them, along with their grandkids, and sure, throw in the son-in-law…something about being Indian is my best guess.
It was all for good in the end, at least I think so. Not a painless process, far from finished, but redemptive I’d like to think. I’m out of hiding, out of the shelter of that redneck-ish Canadian hockey town that I was actually sad to leave, and now we, the trio of us, mother/father/son once more, are traveling down the next road, onto the next adventure, sketching out plans on the backs of napkins and paper bags, living simply, with an outline of some purpose in mind, learning continually that loving often entails failing, so not to give up, not just yet, because you learn from mistakes, don’t you? Eventually. We are here for the moment, which is somewhere between then and there. And here is home, because home is always where we are together. This is what I have learned so far in my short and small existence.